Part 1: Mind vs. Matter
I have spent the past week contemplating how much of our perceptions and reactions to experiences are shaped by our mind (all previous experiences/lessons learnt/strength of person) vs. simple biological matter (chemical imbalances).
While looking for answers to help me move forward and to shape my future, both seem valid options but which applies to me and which I should focus on to ‘fix’ to help me feel in control again is not as simple as I had hoped.
Reading up about depression, anxiety and grief and I realise how little we really know about these conditions.
For me, I was hoping to find a reason why this time was so much harder? Why was it that this time I lost the strength that had pulled me through before?
As I’m writing it reminds me of the post I wrote about the ‘5 Whys’* – each why attempting to delve further into the truth of the problem. I guess that’s what this journey is.
I want to know and understand: Why do I feel like this? Why does that make me feel like that? Why? Why? Why?!
Yet as the list grows and I go back through time: 1 week ago – This happened / 2 weeks ago – That happened / A month ago, 2 months ago, 6 months ago, 1 year ago…woah.
I stop and wonder whether I’m searching too hard. I mean can something that happened a year ago contribute to how I cope now? Maybe. Probably.
So many things to consider. It will be a long journey.
What I do know is we all have a ‘tipping point’ and I reached mine.
The choices on how to move forward are out there and will address both mind and ‘matter’. I can keep researching and trying to understand more about each option; to try and validate each decision because that’s what I do. That’s how I feel in control.
Or I can step back and assess what I need here and now and I can follow my heart and pick one that I feel comfortable with right now.
My conclusion is that it doesn’t matter which route you choose, there is no right or wrong, there is not enough evidence either way so as long as it gives you the hope and belief you need to move forward, then it’s the right decision.
As I said, it will be a long journey and if I change my mind, then there’s always tomorrow and then I can try something new.
Part 2: Hold On
Following my insightful exploration into the ‘root cause’, I had another realisation that is articulated beautifully by Mr John Mayer in these lines:
“Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through” ***
My interpretation of this is, even though I might feel disheartened by the things that used to “get me through” – these things are literally ‘tried and tested’ so even though they didn’t solely work this time, you should always “hold on” to each and every small thing as they each have their own merits and when the time is right, they will once again have their place.
** Picture found here by Rocketrictic: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rocketrictic/with/8368995987/
***From the song ‘I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You)’ by John Mayer