Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  It’s been a while since I’ve known how to write.  The subjects are always there…I have lists and lists of topics to write about.  Half finished ramblings of all the things spinning in my mind at one given time, but actually formulating it into something that sounds ‘right’ or ‘good’ or…well into something worthy has been difficult.  Tonight, however, I read my old post ‘Happiness breeds Happiness’ to remember how to again.  To remember why I wanted to write in the first place again.  The truth was all there in black and white, clearly explained and yes, it all makes sense and is completely true.  What isn’t true or should I say what I am still 6 months later struggling with, is using this blog to actually write what I want to write about.  Sometimes, I start to write and then I read back and I reflect.  And I reflect.  And I reflect.  Then…I stop.

It’s too: selfish / moany / un-balanced / depressing / miserable / sad / dark / self-obsessed and/or fake.

The truth is that I may have started this with a belief that it was to learn to write in preparation for a magazine, and I may have wanted to use it to ‘channel my energy’ into something positive, yet what about the hard days? What about the days where the words flow but I don’t feel positive?  The days that I don’t have a happy cheesy, light-bulb moment or life changing revelation ending to my post? The days that “Innovate, don’t Imitate” doesn’t inspire me?  Should I still post?

My whole life I have only ever written when I feel low.  It’s my therapy I suppose.  It’s a way for me to talk to someone without anyone being around or anyone judging me or even advising.  A way to vent.  I think my ‘innovation’ only comes from ‘imitating’ i.e. moaning and whining about something in the same way I always would until the writing finally calms me down.  That’s when the reflection starts. But more recently, it just puts me off.  There is no ‘innovation’.  I’m just stuck.

Why?

Why?

As I’m sitting here trying to put all the pieces in place, I’m reminded of a technique I learnt at work.  It’s called the ‘5 WHYS’.  It is used to help get to the root cause of a problem so that then you can tackle the real issue.  It’s actually very useful in so many scenarios, but for me in attempting to understand a situation better or more precisely, why someone behaves the way that they do.

I might not be selling it right now in this post as my mind is wandering too much but you should definitely try it next time you are stuck…

Why am I writing tonight? – Because I was bored…

Why was I bored? – Because I was home alone…

Why was I home alone? – Because I was too tired to go out…

Why was I too tired to go out? – Because my mind is racing and my heart is sad…

Why is my mind racing and my heart sad? – Because my best friend is hurting and there is nothing that I can do to help…

Image citation: http://www.photographyblogger.net/12-interesting-question-mark-pictures/

One thought on “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

  1. Pingback: Forward Thinking | Yellow is Dead

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s