Being inbetween is a tough place to be. I think it’s why I’m find things feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. It’s so tiring.

inbetween houses.
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inbetween managers.
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inbetween job roles.
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inbetween relationships.
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inbetween family?

Even though many of these things have an end in sight, it’s difficult to be positive all the time. Sometimes I need more now. I need a place to retreat to that’s not with others. Sometimes I need a cuddle from my beau or at least a comforting chat. Sometimes I need to know what’s expected of me and know what to do.

Am I being unreasonable?

Someone once told me about pillars.

In that discussion, it was about relationships and how a guy should be a pillar in any relationship. They should be a stable figure that supports you. When my ex broke up with me, I couldn’t work out what hurt me the most…but in that pillar conversation, I realised…he wasn’t being my pillar. He walked away, gave up on me and us without even trying. He wasn’t even strong enough to tell me for ages. I was disappointed because he was one of my best friends and had previously always been there for me, and now no longer.

I need a guy that will be my pillar.

I don’t think relationships are the only thing that needs pillars; a home is a pillar, a job is a pillar, families have pillars too.

With all 4 things in my life being inbetween, not one has a solid pillar.

Each day presents ups and downs, positive and negative steps while building these pillars. It’s at times like these that I wish my mind would switch off so that I could just ride it out, rather than over analysising and stressing. One minute I’m calm and knowing that its not forever is fine, I see the future and I can handle it and then the next I throw a strop. Even I thought I had got control over my strops but obviously not!

Maybe I just need to find a way of remembering the future so to not let myself forget and strop? Any ideas are welcome!

••Grumble over••

Image found here: http://www.findingthegracewithin.com/?p=9944

Dedicated to G.