Being inbetween is a tough place to be. I think it’s why I’m find things feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. It’s so tiring.

inbetween houses.
inbetween managers.
inbetween job roles.
inbetween relationships.
inbetween family?


Even though many of these things have an end in sight, it’s difficult to be positive all the time. Sometimes I need more now. I need a place to retreat to that’s not with others. Sometimes I need a cuddle from my beau or at least a comforting chat. Sometimes I need to know what’s expected of me and know what to do.

Am I being unreasonable?

Someone once told me about pillars.

In that discussion, it was about relationships and how a guy should be a pillar in any relationship. They should be a stable figure that supports you. When my ex broke up with me, I couldn’t work out what hurt me the most…but in that pillar conversation, I realised…he wasn’t being my pillar. He walked away, gave up on me and us without even trying. He wasn’t even strong enough to tell me for ages. I was disappointed because he was one of my best friends and had previously always been there for me, and now no longer.

I need a guy that will be my pillar.

I don’t think relationships are the only thing that needs pillars; a home is a pillar, a job is a pillar, families have pillars too.

With all 4 things in my life being inbetween, not one has a solid pillar.

Each day presents ups and downs, positive and negative steps while building these pillars. It’s at times like these that I wish my mind would switch off so that I could just ride it out, rather than over analysising and stressing. One minute I’m calm and knowing that its not forever is fine, I see the future and I can handle it and then the next I throw a strop. Even I thought I had got control over my strops but obviously not!

Maybe I just need to find a way of remembering the future so to not let myself forget and strop? Any ideas are welcome!

••Grumble over••

Image found here:

Dedicated to G.



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