I went into last year with the motto: ‘Pro-active’.  And I chose ‘Pro-active’ specifically over positive as I felt that:

1) I’m never going to be a positive person.  I’m a glass half empty person and I’m cynical and being negative is my way of protecting myself – that’s not a mind-set that you can easily shift.  Plus I find positive people un-nerving.  All my friends will understand this!

2) The verb ‘positive’ feels a bit like ‘happy’ – no one can be happy all the time and no one can be positive all the time.  Positive is only a brief state of being.

3) Along the same lines, it’s not always fitting or appropriate to be positive.  Yes, find a silver lining but if you are having a bad day, doing try to be positive, tru to be pro-actively turn that energy into something more useful.

Pro-active seemed more fitting for me and supported my existing techniques to overcome depressive tendencies.

Less than a week into the New Year, and I get sick.  Sinusitis.  And then something else…and then something else.  I’ll be honest, I can’t remember much else but being pro-active was…slow.  Part of me wants to berate myself and say worse and the other side is protesting because at times this year, I was able to shift my mind-set and be more proactive than I wanted to be and would have been in the past but it was too few and far between. 

I regret not planning, re-focusing and approaching the year differently.

I’ll be honest, I’m going into next year just as blind and un-planned and partly scared as I know I would like to be better but I’m not sure how.  I know that I need to do things differently, but I don’t know where to start.  I know that this isn’t good enough and I will never have enough time or energy to work this all out…

So it is basically going to be a lot harder work than I want it to be and I have a choice: put the effort in or don’t.  If I do, I may be more tired, I may struggle to balance the additional time it takes and I may drop many balls along the way…BUT, I come back to this blog EVERY – SINGLE – YEAR so that must mean something.  Writing means something to me.  It helps me to feel.  It helps me to unwind.  It grounds me. So in February and in April and even in July…this is what I need to re-focus on.

Let’s start with the basics.  New Year’s Resolutions.  So last year was being ‘Pro-active’ which wasn’t a complete failure…but was only really achieved by accident.  This year, I’ve come up with some more Ps.  (I don’t know why they begin with P but once I started I couldn’t stop, I love alliteration!)

PROGRESSIVE

I want to make progress with things.  There are so many journeys and projects I have started – including this blog – so my goal is to make more progress.  In all aspects of my life.  Just briefly.  I mean, any progress is good.  But the more the better!

PAIN-FREE

My heart, my back, my head, random rib/muscle strain…my mind.  This is about being both physically and mentally healthy.  The progressive thing feels fairly simple in that I need to choose how to use the time I have better to make progress with things.  But this is harder.  Yes, I will need time but more than that,  I actually do need a plan.  I don’t have one.  I want to be in less physical pain on a daily basis but even more than that, I want my heart and mind to be at ease.  My new mantra is “Right now, I’m ok. Right now, nothing has changed.” Watch this space, I need to think about this one more!

POWERFUL

I’m pretty passive person so my ‘wish’ more than my resolution is to harness my inner power.  I am cringing as I type as I find ‘girl power’ and many other connotations to do with ‘power’ extremely cheesy but I think that’s because I am an introvert and really I don’t want anyone to know or think that I’m powerful; I just want to FEEL powerful.  In control. At ease with my emotions, my egos and myself.

Those are my 3x Ps: Progressive / Pain-Free / Powerful.

2021 has been a good year but not a great one.  Things have plodded along but not grown. Too many things have ‘derailed’ me but that is just an excuse.  Survival is no longer enough. Bring on 2022!!

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