We are lucky enough to be able to make most of our own choices as an adult in the UK – however after fighting for this right – I feel that no one has actually taught me how to make a choice.
How should you decide? How do you weigh up options? Where are the best places for seeking advice? What is the right process?
When do you stop and make your choice?
Recently being facing with a pretty major life-changing decision, makes me question how qualified am I to make this choice?
It makes me review and analyse previous decisions. Think about how I currently make simple decisions. And therefore what will be the measures for whether this decision is good or bad in future. Or maybe not just whether the actual decidsion was good or bad, but was the process?
I will hold my hands up…I am sooooo indecisive.
What do I want for dinner? What am I going to wear? Should I go or shouldn’t I? Should I tell them or not?
I have all the excuses too…
What do I want for dinner? I really don’t mind – anything.
What am I going to wear? Well, I don’t know what the weather is going to be yet so best to wait until the day.
Should I go? Let’s see how I feel at the time – I might feel different at the time.
Should I tell them? It wasn’t the right time – I didn’t want to ruin the mood.
It’s all the ifs, buts and maybes that race through my mind so this feels like the best solution at the time.
However for the big things, I’m very aware that this is not the best way to move forward in life.
When it comes to all those decisions and actually having to make a final one – I already kinda know but I’m just not being confident. Not trusting myself.
When I feel like this, I tend to ask other people. And yes sometimes this works, but when do you stop asking before you just get so confused with everyone else’s opinions – they are not facts remember – and then you have their conflicting thoughts in your head whatever you end up deciding!
So what are the different ways to make the right choice?
What are the consequences of making a ‘bad’ decision? What would be conceived as being a bad decision?
There seems to become this point in our lives where we feel that we are ‘too old’ to be making bad decisions and that if we do then we are ‘stupid’.
Is that why I am scared? Probably.
Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me
Sayings/Phrases like this don’t help. But the more I think about it now, I realise disagree with this concept of being stupid and casting shame.
Understandably some bad choices can be embarassing even if it is the first, second or third time, and it is obviously wise to try and learn something but why should there be shame if you don’t?
I’m coming to believe that we should not even class a choice as good or bad, but on is it fair?
I work for a company that has just come under the FCA and their biggest message is that we need to always ‘Treat Customers Fairly’ – not good or bad, but fairly. I like this concept.
The decisions I judge the most are when there is another choice that would ultimately save less hurt in the long run. I don’t think that’s fair. Is it bad though? I’m not sure…it’s not my place to judge.
One thing I think most people, well maybe not most, perhaps most emotionally charged people will agree with me on, that making decisions is not always easy. But if every time you gave up and hide away from the responsibility of making a decision, what does that actually do to you? How does affect you?
Decision making has got to be one of the most useful life skills.
What I’m coming to learn is that it’s not just about picking a choice, but sticking to that choice and then also having the confidence to go through with it supported by the means.
I don’t think that there is a ‘right’ process for decision making, just trust yourself and be confident as you know you best.
What I need to work on this week, is from all the information I have gathered, to trust that my decision is a fair one and have confidence in moving forward with that decision.
And at the end of the day, what does it matter if it was the right decision? I really don’t have time for unnecessary worry in my life these days – it’s tiring, draining, even dehabilitating.
Thinking back on the past year, even 6 months, I finally feel like some of the things that I learnt during my therapy is slowly working – techniques are slowly becoming my more natural method of coping and therefore behaving.
Funnily I’m listening to Angus & Julia Stone at the moment and fittingly, I will leave you with this…
But ‘don’t take my word for it’ – it’s your choice.